I see so many people get frustrated when they want to change their life and kind of get stalled along the way.
Most people don’t understand the transformation process because not many people talk about it.
This post and podcast explains the role chaos plays in your transformation. It reveals the 3 steps that are necessary when you are transforming your life.
You can download an infographic to keep as a reference.
Have you ever heard your self say things like…I just can’t take it anymore…or I’ve reached my limit…or I’m on the verge of a breakdown!?
Well as difficult as those expressions feel… they actually signal opportunities for change.
I’ve met with countless people who miss this opportunity and get stuck in life.
There are plenty of people who talk about how you just need to change you mind if you want to change your life–but that’s not as easy as they imply.
The first thing you need to acknowledge whenever you feel any discontent in your life is you are experiencing a type of conflict.
There’s no point in glossing over this fact by calling it something else.
Conflict is not a bad thing, it is an opportunity for change.
The trick is recognizing the opportunity and knowing how to implement change that is aligned with your true self.
The first thing people do when they experience overwhelm or discontent is they try to relieve it.
This is normal because when we are in pain–whatever the source–we want relief, right?
Lots of people come to me for a Gong Bath Meditation for example when they want to relieve their stress, reset their balance point, or maintain their wellbeing.
That’s a great way to do that.
But this post focuses on the more critical moments where you feel completely stuck and are very close to the edge of making the leap for change but fear holds you back.
It's during these experiences when you realize you really can’t take it any more.
The it will be different for everyone.
It might be pressure form your job, demands and expectations of your relationships, responsibilities with your family.
It doesn’t matter what it is–the point is–you feel like something has to change or you just won’t be able to cope anymore.
So let me explain why this is a flag that is an invitation more than a warning.
These experiences are signals from the universe that a door is opening to another world.
Now I know it doesn’t feel like that–you feel like all doors are closing and your room is getting smaller.
But let me explain the chaos of your world and how change works.
Chaos is an experience that feels like you’re are running on a hamster wheel–frantic but not really going anywhere. Your life is run on auto-pilot. and you feel like you are loosing or have lost control of your life.
So I want you to Imagine a circle and at the centre of the circle there is a spiral.
When we come into this world, that spiral is very small inside a very large circle that represents our world.
As we get older, this spiral grows wider and wider and the spirals get closer and closer together as our life gets filled up with all sorts of "stuff".
Our ideas, belief, habits, our activities, passions and materials. We find that we are spinning inside this spiral faster and faster and life becomes more chaotic as our life goes on auto-pilot.
We can no longer put equal attention on all the areas of our life so we designate parts of our life to operate automatically without much consideration.
After some time we realize we have forgotten parts of ourself and we become discontented.
Do you know what I mean?
When we start to get a hint of discontent we sometimes peek over the edge of this circle to see what’s out there because surely it’s better than where we are now.
When we look over the edge of our existing world two things happen:
Either you don’t see anything that looks familiar so your brain tells you it's unsafe to step over the edge and jump into another world
This is especially true when you can’t see what’s there, or how things will turn out.
The result will be you will retreat to your existing world because at least it’s familiar and you think you will try harder or in a different way to manage your world.
Therefore, in this scenario you keep going around the same vicious circle. And you say stuck.
The second scenario is you create a fantasy of what the new world looks like and get ready to make the leap before careful consideration.
Be mindful of the difference between fantasy and creation. Fantasy is when the end result exists in your mind. But creation is where you take the ideas you imagined and create them in reality
It’s necessary to use your imagination to create possibilities however it’s also important to have your ideas be grounded with practical strategies. Because if you take the leap based on fantasy alone, you will be very disappointed and let me explain why.
When you change your life you will not know the outcome of that change until you are in that new world. That is a fact.
So it’s important that you first recognize the call for change then you acknowledge that you want to change and finally that you are ready to do the work of creating the change you desire.
So I don’t recommend jumping without consideration, because we’re not trying to escape our world but to create a better one
Once you make the decision to change your life that is aligned with your true self and grounded in practice strategies–you will take the leap and discover that your chaos ends.
Instead, the cycle begins again.–building until you reach the next stage of personal evolution.
So now that you understand the role chaos plays in your transformation, you need to understand the process for creating change.
There are 3 steps.
Begin exactly where you are–with the awareness that something needs to change and that you want to change. Most importantly, you are ready to create that change.
This is a stage of reflection–although usually at the beginning our reflection is more about ruminating on all the things that are wrong. Some people stay here for a very long time–in a cycle of blame and discontent.
However, if we’re honest with ourselves we discover something else needs to change other than our immediate circumstances. So we will attempt to restore our well-being
The next phase is where you turn inward. This is a healing stage, where you rest and repair.
Some people stop here. They start to feel better and so they stop the process. It’s kind of like when a person wants to lose weight and goes on a diet. Then after they achieve their goal, they commence all their previous bad dietary habits.
Or maybe their relationship improves so they stop the momentum only to discover that old habits and problems return.
Another thing people do is go for temporary relief like a vacation without fixing the deeper issues and their problems quickly return as soon as they do.
Here’s the thing with change-to make room for something new you need to make room for it and to do that you need to remove old habits.
So the restoration phase is not just about repairing it is about emptying–removing old habits and beliefs.
Then you can progress to stage 3 of the transformation process.
Here is where it can get a little uncomfortable because it is unfamiliar and we don’t know exactly how it’s going to turn out. This is where you implement changes to your new way of being and doing.
So that in a nutshell is the transformation process. There are 3 stages: reflect, restore & rebuild.
Then you rinse and repeat the cycle each time you want to change your life.
I hope you found this helpful–and if you did please share it.